Faith to be Complete (short story)

Two sisters....One heartbeat...One bond...
A gift from God, nonetheless. In many African cultures, they are seen as precious and very important. A true gift. Some people see that some set of twins are very different; like night and day, while others see that some sets are truly identical.....
In the Swahili language:
Amili - means complete
Kamilika - means be complete

With this in mind, our path goes to the lives of Amili and Kamilika....They were identical, yet even though they were alike in many ways, they were also different. Amili seemed to always thrived. She always worked hard, and gained her mother's love and affection. She grew up to become a very wealthy wife, and loving mother. Kamilika, on the other hand, had to work harder. She didn't grow up resenting her sister's gifts of love and affection, given by their mother. She just chose to strive harder to be more like her sister. She never seemed happy with what she achieved, and wished her void would be filled. She wanted to be complete.

The two girls were raised in church and both sang in the choir. They loved the atmosphere in all ways....Just one of them didn't have the faith that God would move in her life....yet as a the other was sent a message...to never give up on her loved one..and she took it to heart....

One day as children, Kamilika said to her sister, "No one understand how I feel...I am never good enough." Before Kamilika could go on with her venting, Amili put one arm on her shoulder, and said, "I am always with you, my twin. Together, we will believe that the size of your faith will out size your doubts. Just believe you are worthy to be made whole and you will be."

Kamilika couldn't grasp how her sister knew she had issues with her faith in God to be made complete....She was young, and didn't grasp the bond they truly shared. See, she thought they were like day and night, when in reality...God make them just alike....Yet she still struggled to see the perfect God-made image that stared back at her in the mirror...Yet she prayed... "God....make me whole. Amen."

As the two twins grew older, Amili could always feel her sister's sad moments. When the first availble moment came, she would always call her sister and say, "Your mustard seed faith is growing thirsty....I've called to water it. Just believe that you are made whole, and you will be."

This still amazed Kamilika. She realized that whenever her faith was lacking, her sister will never fail to call. She loved her sister dearly. Yet she couldn't fathom why her sister was so concerned with her incomplete life, when she was obviously living such a good one. She decided to no longer take calls from her twin, to make sure her "unlucky" curse wouldn't affect her perfect sister. However, this didn't stop Amili from calling when she felt her twin going through life's storms. She called every now and then...but she turned her attention to praying to God that he will reveal her sister's true self in His own time.....

After two years of not answering calls, Kamilika's faith all but ceased to exist. She became depressed and made herself so sick, that she was bed ridden... After sitting there for a while, she eventally thought of her sister and what her sister had always said... "Just believe that you are made whole, and you will be." Kamilika prayed to God one more time....this time...a little different... "Thank you for making me whole....I am complete in you....I believe that you sent your Son to remind me, and my twin to instill it in me......I love you soo soo much....Please harden not her heart, for I have ignored her many years....Please here my cry.....I ask that you both forgive me, Dear Lord......Amen."

When she got up from her prayer, with tears strolling down her face....She smiled. Cause she finally felt good enough...She finally felt complete...With her new found happiness, came strength...And as she took that first step in faith off of the bed she hadn't risen from in weeks, she started to praise God....Then she thought about making a call....and as she ran to the phone to dial up her sister....When she picked up the phone, she could hear her sister...Amili saying, "Kamilika! You are now complete! Oh my Kamili! You are made whole!!!...and Yes, I forgive you...I am always with you, my twin sister. And I have always been...in your heart!"

And with this confirmation, Kamilika changed her name to Kamili....Cause like her sister...She was now complete. Her faith and prayer brought her through. And she worships and praises God till this day......

Kamili- means complete

I hope this touches you....Have faith and never doubt...He has will never forsake you.
As always, Much love...and hugs
NaturalnSassy

Another Poem...this is Untitled

My family has dealt with losing a lot of loved ones...I've had a big lost myself last year, that I'm still trying to recuperate from...Although I didn't put my baby in this poem, he's always in my heart. Maybe when I stop wailing inside, I'll do one of him...

But...this is written for my grandmother, and her two wonderful sisters.... Hope you enjoy!!

As Always Much love...and hugs
NaturalnSassy

Delighted by the sweetness of your face…
The memories we made together for the common good of our ethnic race,
Under the category…You and I….
Pausing to let the time go by,
So that the world can catch up with our ever so clever game to multiply….
The love…
And it’s crazy cause you never knew that you played an important part just by the kindness of your hug….
Which made me look up to you…
cherish you…
The time we shared was beautiful-
ly spent with glances of appreciation….
Concluded with your dedication….
And that standing ovation from which I can still feel the tears on my skin….
See you passed from my vision, but never from within….
You’re with me every day, reassuring that you’re still my closest friend.
Still laughing at your jokes…
And yes, I admit, I turned out to be just like you…
And even though people try to poke
Fun of how my hips widened to your figure,
or that my nails grew like yours, long, and hard,
or that my voice is not as high as a soprano, but you know a sistah can bust a tune and make homemade cards….
I’d still rather be just like you…
See I’m just happy knowing that I shared a part of your history….
That I get to say I’m a part of your legacy…
HA!…Guess that makes me a legend…
Cause you were truly the most famous celebrity to walk the face of this earth....
From birth, we shared a constant connection…
Even when we were away from each other…I can still hear the voice in my ear,
“This is your grandmother, pay our tithes and offerings, but look out for those who seek constant collections!” ….
Or how I knew I disappointed you, and though sometimes you couldn't quite tell me,
I always knew,
You forgave me, and our game of love multiplication played on….
You are my favorite song…..
And as the years go by, and I finally get peace within myself to accept that although I’ll get no more hugs..I can still feel the love…You have instilled in me…
And I’ll past that on…down to each and every generation…cause as like you said….There’s nothing more important than family…

I love you…..
Signed By Me
TNL

Unusual Behavior

Take a ride with me....
Smell the pizza as I put it on the passenger side of the car...
Check with me as I check to make sure I got all of the items...
Pizza Sign light plugged in....Check
Car head lights on...Check
Music to my liking playing....Check
Picture where I'm going...Double Check :D

Being a driver has it's many benefits. I don't have "the boss man" breathing down my neck every second. I can listen too my music and quietly bump (until I get to the street I'm on.) I like my co-workers...I mean. It's great.

However, it gives a thinker like me...way too much time to think. I'm often asked to smile, cause if we're all just looking at each other bored, I'm prone to zone out. The good thing is...I have time to internally pray...Which I had to do last night.

So we're riding....Sing with me. I think I was listening to "He Favors Me" on the way there. "Love...is patient caring...Love...is kind...etc"

We turn one street that leads to the street we're headed...We know the area OK, because there is a school there, but as we turn, we notice that it's getting darker....and lonelier. By that time, the song is off, and we're too busy looking for the house to listen to what's on...It's about 10:30pm.

From counting the houses on our right, we know the house is coming up...BUT there's something strange about the house that we counted to be the right one.....Can you guess what it is?

Total darkness...No porch light. No lights in the house. No street light. We're out in the boondies, with no signal on the cell...And an outline of a shadow flagging you down...

Now, ANYBODY else would hit the gas...and maybe run....Honestly, if that came to mind, I would've done so....But watch me as I turn off the car....Say a little prayer...And step out on faith...

Some can argue that that was a dumb step out on faith...But I had a mission...Deliver the pizza, while making sure that there was a safe way out....Yes, men, women, and dogs could have been lurking in the trees...Yes, the tall dark man could have had a gun, could have raped me, done anything....Cause I'm not street savvy at all...But I want you to watch as I make my way up the steps...Hand the pizza over, ask for payment...and his "are you married/happy" questions on the way to the car....

Truly, God was with us on this ride...I know you're heart isn't beating half as fast as mine was...but I'm sure you can only imagine the fear trying to jump in my spirit, but the faith that kept that fear in check....

I randomly step out there like that....I am so not a people's person, the life of the party, or the bravest...I find comfort in writing on my laptop, in the solitude of my room. But I want you to feel the awe and adrenaline from the awe that I felt.

I was on cloud nine. It was like knowing that with God by my side, all things are possible! He has never given us the spirit of fear, and I thank him for blessing me with my sound mind.

Which leads me to another unusual behavior....though, not of my own...Why, would you order pizza, and portray that you have no electricity? I asked that question to myself all night. Like I know you have to eat. And I'm full aware that pizza is a lot cheaper than a light bill...But why? The world is quick to say, "you have your priorities mixed up." But did he? He was hungry...and possibly had no car....Would you eat? or have light?

Thanks so much for riding with me. I'm sure it wasn't the most exciting one you've ever taken, but hopefully, you enjoyed my unusual behavior...lol

As Always...Much love and Hugs...
NaturalnSassy

Enter In...Welcome Home

Today, I had the luxury of being locked outside the townhouse with the kids....I know right. You're probably wondering, "How in the world?" And some may start to feel more empathy for the kids than you do for me...However, they were thrilled to be outside playing anyway. Me, on the other hand, had no jacket...was cold...lonely...and it felt down right crazy to not be able to be walk into the place where I reside. In my mind, I was yelling, "But I have stuff in there too!"

Have you ever been locked out? I know some of you probably haven't done the whole locking yourself out of the house thing. But let's think about the times where you may have locked the keys in the car...You can see them still in the ignition or in the chair...And in you're head you're screaming, "Those are mine! Now how in the world am I locked out of my own belonging?"

See, distractions will cause you to do things that, normally, you wouldn't do...
Distractions can surface in any form, whether stress, financial issues, marital problems, or like me, inquisitive kids...I have learned that I can't think of why Justin and Jonica have different snacks, but my son doesn't want their snacks, just something different and extra delicious, AND remember the kid's jackets, cellphone, purse...shut the door...oh, yeah...the keys....Dang. Funny, cause I told one of my friends today that superwoman...I am not. I am about the most uni-functioning person in the world. Honestly!

Luckily, I had one bar left on my phone, and I texted my aunt to find relief...She, being the great woman she is, came to my aid and did all that she had to do to bring me a key to get inside...I ran to her car yelling one of my buddy's favorite sayings..."THANK YA!" When I turned the key I was like the child in Luke 18:17 or Matthew 18:3 - (And said, Truly I say to you, unless you repent (change, turn about) and become like little children [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving], you can never enter the kingdom of heaven [at all].) I was so excited, like a kid in a candy shop. I trusted that the key would work, and I forgave myself for losing the bookmark in my mind for that split second.

As my day went on, I didn't really think twice about what had happened. It was not a big deal to me to be locked out, and though I was cold, I was more concerned about the kids catching colds...I checked my email as usual...And started doing my little daily routine...I want to say that it was FB friend Hollie that sent me the picture at the top with a message...

At first, I read it, and just kept it moving...Sent to my friends and everything. Then I saw it posted by someone else...and I really looked at the image....Gracious!! That was me knocking on my own door today! And just as ludicrous as it sounds of me knocking on my own door...is also how ludicrous it must feel to God to knock on the doors of his children...To need permission and keys to be let in.

And I'll warn ya about keys and other entrances. Not in everything door, place, or humans heart you enter in, are you welcomed or do you fit in...I went to the country club the other day to deliver a pizza, and you could just feel that I was only allowed for that short period of time. People try to get on me for not having a church home...But I ask you guys, have you ever entered a church, and although you felt very welcomed, your spirit told you to run the other way? See I chose to protect my soul from the many churches I hear about like the ones spoke of in Matthew 23:13 (13But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, pretenders (hypocrites)! For you shut the kingdom of heaven in men's faces; for you neither enter yourselves, nor do you allow those who are about to go in to do so.) See, they have permanently shut the door to Heaven! And that's one door, I feel in my heart that I know I have belongings there! Come on now ya'll...Feel me on this. Certain people will wrap your mind around beautifully crafted personal beliefs of God, that not only are you not welcomed in Heaven, the places is totally off limits...

When I thought of that, I thought of churches that use to say children could not be lead by God, and churches who will pull you(women) to the side and tell you about yourself and how wrong it is to wear anything but skirts, and dresses, and shirts with sleeves in the church. Not once have I ever read that I had to dress up to go to church...When you(those who are talked about in Matthew 23:13) show me where Jesus Himself created that rule...you let me know. And I still will refuse to attend there. Cause see, God is more worried about souls. Do you think those people in the desert went to stores and spent 150 dollars on a "church suit." I think not, and I won't waste my money either....

And there are also times when things are welcomed home...but their destination is not where you and I should be. Example...Jesus saw a man with an unclean spirits...and he commanded that the unclean spirits be welcomed into the pigs...Which in turn took them to over the cliff to drown and return Home to Hades...

Sometimes spirits and demons make home in our homes and our minds, and we unknowingly, and sometimes knowingly, welcome them. They have us thinking about suicide, homicide(usually killing our spouse or kids), adultery, you name it!!

Again these are examples that you don't want to follow or lead your life in that direction....Please don't be a follower of the pigs and jump the cliff...Cherish your life and stop letting your flesh rule over your world, but wonder why you're still not complete nor happy.

It says in 2 Corinthians 6:2 For He says, In the time of favor (of an assured welcome) I have listened to and heeded your call, and I have helped you on the day of deliverance (the day of salvation). Behold, now is truly the time for a gracious welcome and acceptance [of you from God]; behold, now is the day of salvation!(A)

Welcome God in...He's knocking on your door...Wondering why he can't come in to visit and share his mercies with His Child. Will you let him in...Will you look in His eyes and Say...I'm sorry it took me so long to answer....Enter In...Welcome Home.

Forsake all others, and the things of this world. It says that when you accept and welcome Him in, he will accept and welcome you in as well...He sent Jesus, the key...to unlock the world of the highest riches. He sent His Word to remind us that His key was already sent and custom fitted to each door of our hearts...Let him in, so in return, He can say to you, "Well done, you upright and faithful servant! You have been faithful and trustworthy over a little; I will put you in charge of much. Enter into and share the joy which your master enjoys."

As Always...Much Love and Hugs
NaturalnSassy

Word UP with Kerwin B. Lee

Are you saved on all 8 sides?

Mr. Kerwin B. Lee is!!
He's saved on the front side.
The back side.
The top(head)side.
The bottom(feet) side.
The left side.
The right side.
The outside.
And the inside!!!

I just fell out laughing with the realization that I am saved on all 8 sides too! Never again will I say there are only four sides of me. Boy, have I been missing the other four. But the devil can no longer get in by the sides I forgot to include!

Now I do not know Kerwin B. Lee personally. I don't know if he's a pastor, reverend, preacher, or whatever other name people in that position calls themselves.

However,I felt as if I've known him for years as he spoke of how the people in the older days use to always end church with the message of Christ died for our sins...He Laid them on the Cross. I remember, as a young girl whenever I paid attention to the sermon, the men and women in church stressing that. I use to think it was annoying. Like they would say it all the time as if we(the audience) didn't hear them the first hundred times. But now that I'm older...Just like he said, without the crucifixion...there would be no completion.

He went on to convey the message that we're not perfect. That in fact, before Jesus came, we were guilty. Guilty of all our sins, and no it was not the devil's fault. But when he died on the Cross for you and I...salvation was complete. Tell me God ain't good! He said, "We are complete in Him." He was reading from I think Colossians. He said for the women and men to stop looking for mates for them to
complete them. He said sometimes you should tell them, "To tell you he truth, I was good before you got here." He said, "Just like when me visiting an insane asylum...and seeing a man constantly hitting his head on the wall...and I asked the doctor what was wrong with him...and he said, "He lost the girl he loved,"....and we went further down and I saw a guy hitting his head faster and harder on the wall...and I asked the doctor what was wrong with him...and he said, "He's the one who got the girl."

And I could related to the Man of God when he told the story of how he was afraid of dogs as a young boy. I could relate to how he told the story of how he would avoid houses when he was a newspaper delivery guy. Of how he would get up to the house and try to rush and beat the dog to his destination, and run away.

In the neighbor hood I grew up in, there were two rockwilders down the street. And one day those jokers got out and were chasing my sister and I. I think we got home quicker than ever before!!!

I was studying the television screen, on edge, when he said, "But one day, I went to the house (with the dog), and I tried to beat the dog to the door, but then I noticed that when the dog came out, the woman had put a muzzle on him." He started moving around like he gained his confidence on the platform. He told the dog to bring it on, cause he said, "With the muzzle, the dog could make all the noise and fuss he wanted to, but he could not BITE ME!!!" Oh how wonderful he must've felt!!

But then he sat there and looked at his audience as if he was waiting on a reply other than the laughter and the far away high fives that even myself was giving him...He just sat there, and said, "You all need to wake up...You're not getting it!"

He said, "Before Jesus came, we were guilty! But when Jesus laid our sins on the Cross, he also put a muzzle on the devil!! The devil can make all the noise he can...But he Can't BITE ME!!!!"

Man...Can you say what an awesome relevance? Just blew me away with how it came together like that.

So I'll end on this note, just like he said....

"Jesus Saves...God Creates...The Holy Spirit Sustains! Is there anyone here who wants Jesus to save you?! Is there anyone here who needs God to create something in your life right now?! Is there anyone here who needs the Holy Spirit to sustain you through the storm?!"

Just awesome. Unfortunately I have yet to find a church home in my own town that moved me the way this message did. And I didn't even see the whole broadcast.

But you can visit him at Berean Christian Church, Stone Mountain,GA. They have churches in two families. And if you're like me, in a different state, visit their website at

As Always Much Love and Hugs
NaturalnSassy

Employment Insecurity

I've had lots of ups and downs within the past two years...Within this amount of time, I've always have spurts when I was unemployed. Just like other people, I have the pleasure of being at the end of the totem pole. People judge me left and right, before they even get to know me.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to my best bud Kev. I was telling him how I was so frustrated and mad at this so called world of opportunities. I know when I first lost my old job in August, I had put in like 20 applications with no phone calls, no interviews, no nothing in return...By me being a single parent, I had to turn to my family for support. Not that they wouldn't help me, but it's not the best feeling in the world to ask your folks to pay our bills. I got looks from some like they wanted to say, "As if I don't have bills to pay of my own."

Many people asked me...oh...why don't you go on welfare? My only reply to this is Why? To be yet another statistic? I am already a few. I don't plan on getting use to the government to barely help me enough to survive so that I get lazy and give up my dreams. My God promised me more than that. And what I did get from social service...they quickly tried to stop. Me not working? Yeah right. They suggested I go the welfare route too...And when I told them I'd rather take college courses, they laughed and said, We don't help adults in college. Like it's some sin to educate myself while I search for employment. They didn't help me with daycare....nothing. So I guess the government wants you to accept being jobless and become so needy that you never better yourself. Cause surely being a single parent, trying to go to college to get a degree so I can have a fighting chance, is not on their list of people to help. They would rather help those who chose not to ever help themselves. I could go on about that, but that's another story.

And the employment insecurity commission was no help at all...I filed the whole time I was unemployed, with them saying there was a pending situation in my case, but keep filing. They smile at you, while looking right through you. Internally saying, "NEXT!" I thought that I would at least find relief with the weekly payments...and of course...after a full month of filing, they denied my claim...But told me to keep a record of my weekly job hunts...FOR WHAT?!

Has the economy become so bad that people are seen as only numbers? I didn't think so...but I was soon about to find out.

I sent in applications for clerical work, sales, you name it. They looked at my resume and loved it. Who wouldn't want a person who's worked in sales off and on for like five years, who can type 50+ words a minute. Very good at Word and PowerPoint, and has excellent Customer Service Skills...Sounds pretty good.

Yet when I walked in the door, I can feel at most places, I was already listed as a number...A number that included the do not call pile. Now I know there are lots of strikes against me. For one, I'm a woman. Two, I'm black. Three, I didn't go to college. And four, I have a past.

Ha! That takes all of what was mentioned two paragraphs above to amount to zero. But I think it's so selfish and funny at the same time. These employers would rather have a white male, who knows crap about crap, screw up in a job in which I excel in , all because of looks. And people wonder why so many companies fail...Just like the one that was on the news the other day about this white man, his wife, and possibly his sons, stealing billions of dollars of the man's place of business. Shoot, his wife had her own company card, and even charged Netflix on it!!!

My best bud has some of the same issues as me, except he has no past. He has actually served a good minute in the army, and was injured. Although he's well qualified, employers go out of their way to make sure he doesn't work for them.

Talk about keeping the poor man down. I'm not racist by any means. I like all races, however, I can't say I have many close friends of other races. And no, it's not cause of me, it's cause of them. Yeah, blame it on my locs(cause there is nothing dreadful about them, so don't open your mouth to say dreds), and blame it on the fact that you think I grew up in the hood(never lived in the hood), you can do whatever you like. Cause I know who my Savior is...His Name is Jesus. You should really try him and stop playing around with his Word...Cause not nowhere in the bible have I seen that any race was better than any other one... Just like Tyra Banks said to this girl who claimed to love God and be a good christian, but couldn't fathom why her female friend would want to date a Mexican, "Study your religion more. Really study what you claim to be." No one's perfect. I know I'm not. And in this world of economic stress, we're all getting worse. As a people, we're becoming greedy and stingy.

My future is always bright, whether I recognize it or not. God has blessed me with a good job. I am still pursuing the military, and my writing is slowly but surely coming around. I won't let the employment insecurities of America hold me back any longer. And when I do retire after 30 years of the military, I will hold my degree to be a pharmacist, and you know what? I will practice becoming a pharmacist, and eventually open up my own place. My goal is to also have a part of my business to help single mothers out there, and parents that go through the death of their little ones. I'm gonna be on top regardless.

I hope everyone out there without jobs find something that they excel in. Baby if they don't to give you a job, create one. Make plans and avenues for yourself, cause that's the only person looking out for your good out there. And first and foremost, praise God...even when you don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of...Praise and Thank him everyday....Trust in Him...For he will renew your strength.

As always, Much love and Hugs
Naturalnsasy

Can a Canner Can? :D

How many cans can a canner can, if a canner can can cans?
A canner can can as many cans as a canner can, if a canner can can cans.

I think my anonymous tongue twister creator has said it all...Tonight I was called upon to help with a very important mission....To help Can peaches!!! You see, one of my lovely aunts is a canner. Yup, that's right. A canner. And she believed in her heart of hearts that I could help her...Me with no experience at all. I think I was to be laughed upon at first, cause I'll admit, I was slow and horrible! But before the end up the night, she gave me the reward of naming me the Champion of Peels!!! :D

Now as I understand it, peeling is just the beginner's level. But trust...it was no easy task. When I walked over to my desinated station, I had a chose between a potato peeler (I think that's what it's called) and a knife...Which one do you think I chose?

THE PEELER!!! And of course my aunt gave me this look, and asked if it was peeling ok...HA! I felt like I chose the wrong tool to do the job...Like it was a trick and I fell right for it. lol

Of course my sweet aunt will never trick me. Oh, and as for my peeler, I think it went from the story of the wrong tool for the job to that sword in the stone that only that little boy could get out! Oh yeah!!! I tell ya, it feels good to do something new with a loved one. To participate in a passion of someone else....awesome! And the best part of all, she is making me a peach cobbler and some cookies one day soon! Gotta love it!!!

To give you guys a little more insight on what all we did, after we peeled them, we'd put them in a big tub of hot/warm water....She would cut them in quarters or halves and pit them....She then cut off all the unwanted parts (like if it was too ripe on one end) and pack them into a jar....From what I saw, she added something from a bottle by the name of C Crystals. She told me what it was, I know it starts with an a...definately not acrylic, lol...I have a bad memory. But anyway, then she added hot water and lightly closed the bottle.

Ya'll...She had these two big pots, and put like 6 jars in at one time. And we're not talking about little jars either. She let the boil for 15 minutes, then took them out to cool. That's it.

But hey! Don't take my word for it. I'm still a ever growing newbie. I hope that more popele will invite me in to their hobbies... If you want to learn how to can the proper way, cause I'm sure my description was vague, go to your local library or bookstore. I'm sure someone will be willing to help!

Until then, here's a litlte poem about canning....

Come on down to the little brick house
And grab a can or two
Of the best tasting fruit in all the town
Treat your taste buds to something fresh and new
And try to not let the juice stain your shirt
As you leave behind your trace
And please try not to make the school boys sad
When they see your juicy face!!!

Much love and hugs!!
NaturalnSassy

Do You Understand The Words That Are Coming Out of My Mouth?!?!

So I'm at the park, the new hip and cool place where only the VIP's go...called kids. LOL.

Anyway, I'm sitting at the bench rewriting the poem I posted on paper to make it readable for tomorrow night. My kids have made their daily playground friends, so they're off having fun. It was pretty nice today, little chilly, but the atmosphere was great. Leaves falling on our heads from giant unknown trees; insects are swarming of all kinds so you don't slip and think that the park belongs to you....Perfect.

When all of a sudden, this little girl in a pretty green shirt with two puff balls on the top of her crown, comes up to me and smiles...She stands there for a few seconds and quietly and smiles at me. She looks as if she wants to ask me something. I smile back, thinking maybe she wants some candy or ask me if the two crazy ones are my kids...

Then as if she knew that I knew everything there is to know...she sweetly asks, "Where is my mommy?"

I am shocked. Thrown off my game. I know my face must have been puzzled as I try to explain to her that I did not even know who her mommy was...She was convinced when I tried to reassure her that if she couldn't find her now, she would a little later, cause surely she'd be back.

This experience is just one of the few I get to have by being around kids...A boy named Bailey came up to me shortly after and said with his little arms to his sides, making the expression of exasperation, "I go to the park every day...EVERY...SINGLE....DAY!!!" I could do nothing but laugh! I asked him if he liked going everyday, and he just replied, "I guess so, Daddy makes us." With his mission complete, he and my son ran off to play once again.

By having two natural comedians of my own, I get to be shocked everyday..LOL. From comments made in foreign restaurants (this one happened to be in a Japanese one) and my son yelling at the top of his lungs with so much excitement it scared you, "MA!!! THAT WOMAN IS CHINESE!!! WHAT DO CHINESE SPEAK? SPANISH?" To my daughter's ever so funny bet yet shockingly real, "Mommy...the food is nasty. I don't like it...I really just don't like it...Will you eat it?"

Kids are always open to share with adults what is exactly on their minds. I challenge you to take a break from your busy lives to listen. They don't look and try to pick who they are saying it to either...They just say it to whomever is listening. So if you're like me, around other people's kids sometimes, don't shoo them away. Don't try to make it seem as if what they say is not important, cause to them, it means the world.

And if you show that you are in the least bit surprised that they said what they said, they'll look at you like Chris Rock did to I think Jackie Chan when he yelled, "Do You Hear The Words That Are Coming Out of My Mouth?!?!"

Classic :D LOL
As always, Much love and hugs
NaturalnSassy

Today's Journey

Our journey begins before we even wake up in the morning....Did you know that?! We have already been destined to move, work, play, whatever God wants you to do...Today, my journey sent me on a quest for a computer part, being blessed with a job interview, being mommy in between the time, and choir practice.

I must say that I love choir practice. It's like when you wake up on Christmas morning and you're just so excited with a little curiousity that you're shaking in your bones....I must say, today, after a wonderful interview, I was exceedningly excited!!!

Our choir director was already having the choir sing to its fullest before I walked in the door...Just by reaching the doorstep, you knew you were in for a treat. We sing hard, we sing loud, we sing soft, but most importantly, we have woven together a knit family of friends that come to minister God's word.

As I state in my all about me area, I'm not where I should be at all within my own faith. But it's groups like this that lift me up to where I need to be. They remind me why I should always fight the battle of right and wrong. Because there are souls out there watching, and determining if they should hop on our train...Yet, if I show that its not worth the effort, they may miss a blessing. And in turn, I miss my own through being someone else's blessing. It brings my spirit such awe, that a unworthy sinner like me could have such an effect!

In November of this year, Elder Powell & Powerful Praise will be celebrating our anniversary!!! In 2010 we're adding ministry to our name, so we thus will be called Elder Powell & the Powerful Praise Ministry. We will be singing at more churches, spreading the gospel. If you live in the North Carolina region, I challenge you to set an appointment. You won't be disappointed. Just email me and I'll deliver your request to the right person.

As always Much love and hugs!!!
NaturalnSassy

Quote of the Week

A little inspiration for the day....

Have you ever felt alone? Yet you were surrounded by family or friends? Has television become a sort of pacifier to null the incompetent feeling of happiness that doesn't seem to be doing a great job of visiting your life? There are times in my life, when the world seems to be happily laughing at my failures...When I think God may have gotten a little to busy to get back around to me. You see...I don't need a doctor to be diagnosed with depression. Honestly speaking, most of my family is depressed.

The other day I was sitting at my computer thinking of how it seemed like everything I touched failed. I couldn't seem to keep a job,not that I'm lazy or don't want one. Family members swear that I could be raising my kids better...My play kept being changed and I had to do rewrite after rewrite. I got stuck with no inspiration for my poetry...and on top of that, I started a blog that no one visits....I truly felt alone. The whole day I lied on my bed, hurting. Headaches, backaches... You name it. I hated myself for being who I was, and for the fact that it seemed like my blessing would never come. Like my life would never get any better.

Until I went on Facebook and wrote a simple status..."Depression has been hurting me all day. Didn't plan on feeling like this today. Maybe tomorrow will be better."

I got replies like within the next few minutes. And each one said to pray....I stopped and thought about it...The whole day I had neglected the thought. I thought my constant prayers throughout the earlier days, and the practice of fasting was more so getting on God's nerves than anything. I was blessed with an interview, but was denied of the job. I was down ya'll. I thought maybe I over prayed so I intentionally didn't think about God the whole day...You know. But when I read those replies, I immediately start to cry...And I prayed my heart out to God...sitting at the computer with tears, snot, everything. And you know...After I prayed, I felt this huge burden lifted. I know a lot of people say that. But honestly, the back pain was gone, the crank in my neck was gone, and most importantly I didn't feel alone.

I opened up my bible, and just decided to read, and here's what inspired me....
"You know, don't you, that I'm the One who emptied your pantries and cleaned out your cupboards, Who left you hungry and standing in the bread lines? But you never got hungry for me. You continued to ignore me" God's decree...

Yes, and I'm the One who stopped the rains three months short of harvest. I'd make it rain on one village but not on another-and that one would dry up. People would stagger from village to village crazed for water and never quenching their thirst. But you never got thirsty for me. You ignored me" God's Decree

After reading those words, I could feel my spirit saying, Why have you chosen to ignore him so long? Then I vowed to never ignore him again.

I want each of you out there, my non existing audience lol, to never think that God has forgotten you. He is just waiting to answer the door to enter in your heart. He loves you dearly, and will never leave you. Don't chose to be alone. Don't ignore Him.

As always, Much love and hugs!
NaturalnSassy

Blogger Blues

Being this new word...,Blogger, has definately had it's ups and downs. Posting my feelings and inner thoughts is wonderful. Not being able to post pictures/videos/etc. I think has hindered my process. I think I get this feeling of lonliness everytime I visit my blog. No new followers, no visits that I can tell of. Is the world not interested in what I have to say? Do I not have enough to say? I don't know. And in the process of me not knowing, I am discouraged to continue. However, even if this blog is meant for my eyes only, I am grateful to have the opportunity for myself. If my eyes are the only ones to scan the words that have become so familiar that I coud recite them without directly looking at the screen...so be it. I'm not afraid of being critisized by others. I'm only afraid of failure. Failure to be true to myself, even when it hurts, even with there is not one person in the audience to give encouragement. Oh well....It continues!

The Deka Arm: A soldier's "Luke" Arm

In the beginning, there was a wooden peg for a leg and a hook that the arm took. I cannot be so sure this is entirely true, but that is what my first experience of prosthetic limbs were. I remember well, how Caption Hook was defeated by Peter Pan and how he was eaten by that 'gator. - NaturalnSassy

But that was my view, here is a little history and things to know about Prosthetics:

Prosthetics can be taken back in history as far as 1295-664 BC, when limbs were made out of iron and wood for injured soldiers. Soon inventors realized that iron was too heavy. Thus, a wise man by the name of James Potts patented his leg, known as the Anglessy Leg. In 1839, a replica of this invention traveled to the United states when a Confederate soldier of the Civil War, by the name of J.E.Hanger, became the first amputee in the US. He later founded one of the largest artificial limb factories for a period of time.

For all those curious about the four types of artificial limbs there are as followed:

Transtibial Prosthesis - an artificial leg that replaces the limb below the knee

Transfemoral Prosthesis- an artificial leg that replaces the limb above the knee

Transradial Prosthesis - an artificial arm that replaces the limb below the elbow

Transhumeral Prosthesis - an artificial arm that replaces the limb above the elbow

Over the years there were many upgrades to the world of prosthetics. Scientist and inventors have produced limbs that can better assist in daily activities. Some of these inventions have even come close to the actual limb that has been replaced. But let's jump to 9/20/2009.

I admit, I had just eaten, watched most of the last part of the Steelers game (which they lost), and took a nap. As my son raved about how his football team supposidly won, I started waking from my groggyness. I soon found myself coming back into the room with the TV, and a show I seldom ever watch, called 60 mintues, is on. What caught my attention was not the man with the very monotoned voice, but that of a man in a military uniform. So I got curious. The man spoke of an artificial arm that has been in the making for our nations injured soldiers. At the very least, I was moved. With so many tales of roadside bombing, I knew the numbers of soldiers that actually made it back home included a good amount of amputees. Now I am no expert on prosthetics or soldiers with amputations. I just thought that this would be a great topic to share. And no I am not trying to discredit any other organization that have been working on a similar project.

The DEKA Arm

This is a new invention that will require up to $100 million dollars to do all that is needed to assist our injured troops. A military personnel on the broadcast stated that the military spares no expense in training {fighting} and saving lives, then why should we put a price on a soldier that was injured while willing to give his life for his country. Definately not ver batim...but you guys get the picture.

The leading or head Honcho of this study is Dr. Geoffrey Ling, a neurologist and U.S. Army Colonel. He has put a lot of hard work and dedication into his work. Please feel free to do some research on this man, cause again, I was half sleep.

Now, as soon as I watched the show I got on the net and did a little googling of my own. I found out that as you walk onto the floor of this building, a statue of Terminator is standing with one arm missing, which as been replaced by the Deka Arm. They mean business. Some people call this invention "The Luke Arm" from the Star Wars Movie/Show. I'm stil not sure why they gave it this name being that I don't really watch Star Wars. However, technology has gotten so advanced that things such as small motors, linthium batteries, wiring, and more are capable of being squeezed together to make this arm so special.

An average prosthetic will give a person three degrees of mobility. It is usually heavy and very uncomfortable after a period of time. Compared to the human arm's movility of twenty two abilities, that's cutting back a lot of a person's to do list. The Deka Arm, however, has eighteen of these abilities. Isn't that great! On the sixty minutes broadcast, they showed a man using the arm to pick up a grape. There was a pause and an in your head cheering silence, and relief and satisfaction when the task was completed without squishing the grape. This is caused by what they call a tractor. To my understanding, it's sort of like a vibration device. It lets the user know the pressure that the hand is being told to use. Oh yeah, did I tell you that one of the developers demonstrated his hand detached from his body but only attached with those wires and circular tape thingys. He explained that a bundle of nerves still existed where the amputation takes place. By attaching his equipment to the nerves on the skin, he was able to move his arm by just thinking of it. He explained it like, he just pictured in his brain what he wanted to do, and moved his amputated arm to the position he wanted it moved in, and just by it being hooked by wires, this arm that was laid in his lap did all the hand postions. Amazing!

In this interview, there was also a man with robotic legs. And according to the online article, there is a wireless version of these inventions already in the making!
You can check this out for yourself at:
www.cbs.com/60minutes and type Deka Arm in the search query
or read the article at
www.andywendt.wordpress.com/2009/04/17/the-deka-arm-the-real-bionic-limb/

As always....Much love and hugs!!

Quote of the Day

"Harry: I tell you, it is not me you are looking at, Not me you are grinning at, not me your confidential looks Incriminate, but that other person, if person, You thought I was: let your necrophily Feed upon that carcase..."
T.S.Elliot, Family Reunion

This quote comes from a book that I am currently reading entitled, "Invisible Man" by Ralph Ellis.

Incriminate - accuse or charge with
Necrophily (Necrophilia) - the state of having sexual desires of a carcase
(Necrophilic) - a person who sleeps with the dead

When I first read that, I felt it was so deep, and personal. And I take nothing from that book or quote at all, because truly it is awesome and fits right into the plot of the story.

However, after going to a popular restaurant in my city, and seeing old classmates I haven't seen in years, I felt like Harry. There was not a shortage of supply of hugs, or old sentiments. It's just, I confess, not one person in the place could say they really knew me. They knew my name, loved my new look, but searched for words to say or only thought about approaching me. I am known as the "too quiet girl." And even that night as my body was there waiting for a food order, my mind was far from that restaurant. I didn't mind going threw the motions of showing somewhat renewed acquaintanceship, or even half heartedly smiling at the creepiest stares of a local drunk. I accepted their memories of the goody two shoed, very intelligent, always got my head in a book girl, that I never was. Just as those who looked at the body that they thought Harry was, they had no clue that it wasn't me. Yet they seemed to cling to their preconceived assumptions. "Oh you're that very smart girl that graduated with honors!" or my favorite, "I never thought you would grow up, have sex, and have kids...you were too innocent." The one person who does know me, could only tell you that this was farther from the truth.

I would've done much better in school if I tried. Yes, I graduated with honors, but that was not my main goal. And the idea that I would never grow up and do things that others my age did, is just ludacris. But people take what little they know about someone and make it seem like they had a close relationship with that person. I can only feel the laughter inside Harry, as he said those words and thought of how they clung and seem to have been in love with the thought of knowing a carcase that was long ago discarded...Or was never even his.

I went home and sat and thought about my quiet life. Remembering that it wasn't that I didn't want to talk, or was too afraid to fit it, but because of an upbringing of being forgotten. Three of my oldest sisters never really took the time to talk to me, only ordered me to get out of the way. My mother always worked two jobs that I can remember and was never emotionally there. And my father, in an easier explaination, had other interest. Therefore, when I finally got along with my sibling closest in age, we both had our own love of solitude. We both grew up in a full house with lots of neices and nephews added later, but honestly, we were never fully with our family. I can't say that my sister didn't have close friends in school and wasn't outgoing.

Unlike me, I think she connected with the people of her class. I, on the other hand, was not accepted. Wasn't white, but definately didn't grow up in the hood, and to this day I still don't know the names or locations of half of the 'projects' in this city. I couldn't relate, and didn't care to. And no it's not that I'm mean, or am hard to get along with. I would've rather a conversation about something I knew about. The crazy stares I got when they realized that I didn't relate to the hood or that I didn't know the latest pop song sung by a white girl, didn't help. It somewhat hurts now to realize that I never had a close friend, other than my sister. I sometimes envy her close relationships with other people and especially men in her college life, that I never got the chance to experience. I am grateful that today, I can admit, that I do have one friend that seems to understand me. And I will always have my best sistah friend. LoL.

Though not a man, I am just like the title of the book I am currently reading. Except mine would say, "Invisible Woman." Invisible to my family, friends, classmates, and by standers who think I must be complicated or a crazy baby mamma cause I have kids. Of course outsiders never seem to think that maybe it's the baby's daddy is insane, but that's another blog. No one see's me. The main character of my story thrives in being invisible. He couldn't be happier. I feel the exact oppisite sitting here at this desk. Knowing that my carcase is all people see and love.

Much love and hugs!

Me..and Finding a Good Man....

So yesterday I get this text from a guy I met in a club.....Kid you not, this is how it reads....

"How is your booty doing"

I sat there, and just thought and thought about how I ended up in this predicament. Casually texting back, "My booty is fresh cause it's clean, and it sits very well...Thank you...How (and I should've put where) is your mind?"

See for one this is my first ever blog, and if you don't want to hear about what I go through or advice I get, you're in the wrong place. Hit the BACK button and try it again... cause I have yet to figure out how to write one.. Anywho.

I tend to attract the wrong guys and I don't know how...Either they're addicted to weed, stronger drugs, alcohol, stay in Jail, no job and never looking for one, already married or got a girlfriend and casually keeps that info to themselves, abusive, old men looking for sex, or just really really old men that's somebody's granddaddy that I went to school with, and only one time a too pretty for me pretty boy.
Don't ask me why or how I seem to attract these type of folks...I don't think I even own any or a lot of provocative clothing. I never leave my house unless I am with the kids, searching for jobs, or have some sort of meeting or family outing. So how? I don't know...Maybe it's because 97% of the small town I grew up in and currently reside in, do not know me, so they think I'm new. And recently I've started the processes of growing locs, and some men seem to just love them a little too much on me.

Whatever the case, I found myself with men who didn't even like me, don't know me, won't ever text unless they want sex (sad that they don't even call), or some who swear their undying love for me, but I have learned to categorize them as just older boys, and not men. Yet, I seemed to settle cause in my mind I think, well all men aren't perfect, and hey, at least I won't be alone.

So I went to my second best friend (Kevie). My two best friends will probably be the common source of my blogs. Out of frustration, I half-heartedly said, "You know, I know why some women become homosexual...Either the men are not good for them at all, or they're taken....Getting a good man is hard." Ok, well that's the gist, may not be word for word.

Him being the good friend said..."Well (my name), you will never find a good man. Cause they don't exist."

Now you talking about a knife going through my heart.....boy that hurt.

But he later explained that a relationship is like the heart. Men are the veins and arteries that transport the blood, but they are very weak without the pump. Women....We are the pump. So it's how we first introduce ourselves, and pump the heart to get the man going. He is now strong, and IF he is a good man he will adjust to the rhythm. However, if the heart introduces sadness, the veins and arteries will pump it and the body will be filled with it. If it is filled with lust or the promiscuity, the veins will accept, and thus the body (relationship) will be filled.

Now trust, men do have issues, just like the veins and arteries can be clotted, therefore hurting or killing the body. That's my point of view added.

What he said was very enlighting, which led me to see that the art of finding a good man is vain. Over the years, I have accepted or passed off sexual advances or other craziness, to avoid being single. I admit, that I don't have it all together myself, and my short comings portray themselves in my relationships. For example, my fear of speaking or just being in front of a crowd, has sometimes kept me from saying something to my partner, and just going witht he flow....Which now I know, that flow always like a river, flows downstream.

Women, therefore I encourage you to bring to your heart, and pump only what you are willing to accept and live with for the rest of your life. Stop, like me, not knowing what you want, or settling for less than what you would want your own daughter to settle for.
I am no expert on advice, just like Dr. Phil is not a doctor. However I think sharing life's experiences, and knowledge from others might just reach that one person out of a billion. Trust. I will continue to work on myself. And yes, that dude who sent the text will not hear from me again, and all the other men in my life who bring nothing but want the world, will be introduced to the new blood I've given myself, and the host (relationship) will pass away.

If this blog sucked....Oh well.. I'm sorry you've wasted your time...Maybe next time I'll write about something you like. Any suggestions would be appreciated! As always...Much love and hugs!